Author:
Gabby Pendley, MA, LCSW, PMH-C, CADC
Perinatal Mental Health Program Manager, Psychotherapist at Wildflower Center for Emotional Health
Understanding Infertility
Infertility affects many people, yet those navigating it often feel deeply alone in their struggle. Infertility is one of the most common reasons women between the ages of 20 and 45 seek medical care in the United States. According to the CDC, approximately 19% of women experience physiological (medical) infertility. In addition, many individuals and couples experience social infertility — challenges to building a family related to social circumstances or relationship status rather than medical causes.
Infertility and Mental Health
The mental health toll of infertility cannot be understated. Women going through infertility have been shown to have similar rates of depression to those undergoing treatment for cancer. Studies have demonstrated that as many as 52% of women experiencing infertility suffer from depression, and in a large study in Northern California, 76% of women undergoing infertility treatment reported symptoms of clinical anxiety. In addition to the grief and anguish associated with infertility, the testing, medications, and treatments can exacerbate mood-related symptoms.
Infertility also significantly impacts couples. Couples experiencing infertility report lower relationship satisfaction than those who have not faced infertility. Multiple studies demonstrate lower sexual satisfaction among couples dealing with infertility.
Infertility and Mental Health: Myths
There are many beliefs and narratives about infertility that are not only unhelpful to those going through it, but also untrue. Here, we aim to dispel some of the most common ones, and provide accurate, evidence-based information.
Myth #1: Infertility is just a medical problem.
The truth:
Infertility affects mental and physical health. Research shows higher rates of depression, anxiety, grief, and relational distress in those going through infertility.
Myth #2: Infertility is caused by stress
The truth:
Although stress can certainly impact overall health, infertility is a medical issue that requires medical treatment. Blaming stress for infertility is both factually untrue and attributes fault to the person experiencing it.
Myth #3: Once you’re pregnant, the emotional impact of infertility disappears
The truth:
Many people continue to experience grief, anxiety, hypervigilance, and difficulty connecting with a pregnancy after infertility.
Myth #4: Therapy won’t help because it can’t change the outcome of infertility treatments.
The truth:
Therapy cannot change the outcome of infertility treatment, but it can improve coping tools, reduce distress, increase emotional connection, and improve quality of life during treatment.
Tips and Coping Tools
Tip 1: Find a therapist that specializes in infertility.
You don’t want to have to spend a whole session explaining how IVF works, or why the progesterone shot is the worst. A therapist who specializes in infertility will just get it, without you having to take on the labor of explaining things.
Tip 2: Find a way to connect with other people going through infertility.
This can be through a more formalized support group or informal connections with others you might know. Infertility can feel so isolating, and connecting with others going through similar struggles can help you feel less alone.
Tip 3: Listen to your needs.
This might not be the year that you attend every baby shower that you get invited to. That’s okay. While you’re going through infertility, your social needs might look different, and your work is to honor those new or different needs.
How Therapy Can Help
Studies have shown that women experiencing infertility have similar rates of depression and anxiety as women battling cancer and other chronic health conditions. The mental health impact of infertility is enormous, and in addition to depression and anxiety also often comes with isolation and self esteem struggles. Given the significant mental health toll, it’s critical to find a therapist with expertise in the intricacies of infertility to provide support, coping tools, and work through the complex emotions associated with infertility. At Wildflower, all of our therapists receive advanced training on infertility, preparing them to provide specialized support.
Questions to Consider Asking a Prospective Therapist
- Do you have experience working with individuals or couples experiencing infertility?
- Are you familiar with the emotional impact of fertility treatments such as IVF, IUI, or pregnancy loss?
- How do you support clients coping with grief, anxiety, or relationship stress related to infertility?
- Do you work with both individuals and couples navigating family-building decisions?
- Are you knowledgeable about the unique challenges of social infertility, including LGBTQ+ family building or single parenthood by choice?
- Do you incorporate partners or support systems into therapy, if desired?
- How do you approach therapy during ongoing fertility treatments or decision-making processes?
Resources
Organizations
Resolve
RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association, established in 1974, is dedicated to ensuring that all people challenged in their family building journey reach resolution through being empowered by knowledge, supported by community, united by advocacy, and inspired to act.
https://resolve.org/
The American Society for Reproductive Medicine
ASRM is a multidisciplinary organization dedicated to the advancement of the science and practice of reproductive medicine. The Society accomplishes its mission through the pursuit of excellence in education and research and through advocacy on behalf of patients, physicians, and affiliated health care providers. You might find their educational videos particularly helpful.
https://www.reproductivefacts.org/
Books
- Conquering Infertility: Dr. Alice Domar’s Mind/Body Guide to Enhancing Fertility and Coping with Infertility by Dr. Alice D. Domar
- Empty Womb, Aching Heart: Hope and Help for Those Struggling With Infertility by Marlo Schalesky
- LGBTQ Family Building: A Guide for Prospective Parents by Abbie E. Goldberg
- Unsung Lullabies: Understanding and Coping with Infertility by David Diamond, Janet Jaffe, and Martha Ourieff Diamond
- Ever Upward: Overcoming the Life Long Losses of Infertility to Define Your Own Happy Ending by Justine Brooks Froelker
- Random Families: Genetic Strangers, Sperm Donor Siblings, and the Creation of New Kin by Rosanna Hertz and Margaret K. Nelson
- The Infertility Journey: Real voices. Real issues. Real insights. by Tarun Jain, MD
- Babymaking for Everybody: Family Building and Fertility for LGBTQ+ and Solo Parents by Ray Richlin, Marea Goodman
Books for Kids
- Family Stew: Two Moms Use a Sperm Donor to Build Their Family by Linda Stamm
- It Takes Love (and Some Other Stuff) to Make a Baby by L.L. Bird
- Mom, Mama, and Me and How I Came to Be by Tina Rella
- The Dancing Fish and the Clever Crab by Ms. Reen
- The Extra Button by Jules Blundell
- The Pea that Was Me: A Sperm Donation Story by Kimberly Kluger-Bell
- Wish by Matthew Cordell
Podcasts
-
Big Fat Negative:
A podcast about all of the trials and tribulations associated with IVF.
-
Infertile AF:
An unfiltered perspective on IVF by a journalist who experienced secondary infertility.
-
Fertility Docs Uncensored:
A podcast by three board certified Reproductive Endocrinologists, who myth-bust, and provide education around fertility and IVF. https://www.fertilitydocsuncensored.com/
Warmlines and Hotlines
-
RESOLVE HelpLine:
866-668-2566
-
MOMS Line:
866-364-6667
-
National Maternal Mental Health Hotline:
833-852-6262
-
PSI HelpLine:
800-944-4773
-
Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
988
References
-
Definition of Infertility: A Committee Opinion (2023).
ASRM. Link
-
Domar, AD; Zuttermeister, PC; Friedman, R.
The psychological impact of infertility: A comparison with patients with other medical conditions. Journal of Psychosomatic Obstetrics and Gynaecology. Link
-
Hirsch, RN, DNS, A., & Hirsch, PhD, S.
The effect of infertility on marriage and self-concept – Journal of Obstetric, Gynecologic & Neonatal Nursing. Link
-
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
How Common is Infertility?. Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. Link
-
Rooney, K. L., & Domar, A. D. (2018, March).
The relationship between stress and infertility. Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience. Link
-
World Health Organization.
1 in 6 people globally affected by infertility: WHO. Link
Onto Health x Wildflower: Supporting Your Mental Health Through Fertility Care
At Onto Health, we know fertility care is about more than labs, medications and treatment plans. The emotional side of trying to build a family deserves specialized support, too.
That’s why Onto Health has partnered with Wildflower Center for Emotional Health, a team specializing in reproductive, perinatal and women’s mental health. Wildflower offers individual, couples and group support for people navigating infertility, fertility treatment, pregnancy loss, grief and other reproductive health challenges.
Exclusive Support for Onto Health Patients
As an Onto Health patient, you have access to:
-
A complimentary consultation with Wildflower’s team.
Simply mention that you are an Onto Health patient when making your initial inquiry.
-
50% off Wildflower’s online workshops and educational resources
using code
OntoWildflower
.
- Access to therapists with specialized training in reproductive and perinatal mental health.
- In-network options with many major insurance plans, including BCBS PPO and Blue Choice, UnitedHealthcare PPO (Optum) and Aetna PPO.
Ready to Get Started?
You don’t have to wait until things feel overwhelming to seek support. Whether you’re beginning fertility testing, actively going through treatment, coping with a loss or simply looking for someone who understands the unique emotional experience of family building, Wildflower’s team is here to help.
Visit Wildflower’s website to submit an inquiry or self-schedule an appointment.
Their intake team typically responds within one business day. Be sure to mention that you are an
Onto Health patient
to access your complimentary consultation.
